The Problem With Stressing The Importance Of Female Friendships

May 9, 2017

For decades, women grew up believing that other women were an adversary. That other women couldn’t be trusted. That our secrets were never safe with other women. That we couldn’t be ourselves in the face of other women because we’d be rejected, criticized, or alienated. We learned to judge and shame each other, and come to believe that we can prove our worth by competing against each other.

But then we get a bit older, a tad wiser, and start hearing the phrases “collaborate over competition,” “soul sisters,” “biz bestie.” So we try to bridge the gap and become women loving, taking every change to open up to a new concept of embracing and celebrating each other.

We energetically call in our soul sisters. Surprisingly, we instantly know what it feels like when we meet them – those women who seem to just understand us, who we feel like we’ve known for a hundred different lifetimes. But often times, we don’t even know what to do with that. Can we fully trust them? But how much do I really know about them? But we’re so different. And, omg, now I feel totally unworthy because, even though I absolutely love her, she’s way more amazing than I am!

And, so we don’t believe it. We don’t fully open ourselves up to the magic that is true sisterhood because we don’t know what that really looks like. We don’t know how to be in that space. And, darling, that’s okay. Because our programming runs deep, and our wounds run even deeper.

Maybe you tried to open up yourself to other females throughout your life only to be hurt by their judgements.

Maybe you were always compared to other females by those whose approvals meant the most to you.

Maybe rejecting and closing off to females was the only way you were kept safe from the possibility of being betrayed by them.

We all have stories. We all carry wounds.

We have to know that our work is important with or without these friendships. We have to feel in our bones that we can make a difference in the world regardless of who is cheering us on. We have to believe that we are enough even though we may not have the sisterhood we are being told we need in order to be successful.


That’s why the notion – and focus – of having these big, beautiful circles of women around in order to succeed is a dangerous one to tout. Because so many women carry deep-seated emotional baggage around female friendships to the point where one can unconsciously self-sabotage a friendship that has the potential to become a true sisterhood. And, by doing so, cause a ripple effect into her psyche, affecting her sense of worthiness and self love.

Is there a place for these relationships? You bet!

But when we focus on this notion that one of the pillars of success is having a “biz bestie” or a circle of “soul sisters,” we unknowingly send women into a wounded space. That if they don’t have this support, that the road to success will be longer and lonelier. Often times she’s already feeling isolated. She may also find herself highly focusing on finding these coveted friendships in order to feel that her work is validated in the world, rather than allowing her journey to naturally bring her to a state of healing, where she can then allow others to be close to her.

Our job as light workers, healers, coaches, etc isn’t to fill in the blanks in another’s journey, but rather hold the sacred of spaces in order for her to heal wounds, so she is empowered to fill in the blanks on her own. It’s imperative that we don’t focus on the results of healing, but rather on the wounds themselves. It’s in the journey that collaboration, sisterhood, acceptance, and self love unfold. It’s in the journey that many of us find ourselves at the crossroads that will inevitably lead to the growth and expansion of our relationships with ourselves and others.

So be gentle. Remember where you’ve come from and collectively, let’s stop assuming that others have already met their crossroad of the woman-relational wound.


And, a word for those women that have no yet gotten there yet, but are craving, seeking, longing for those friendships to appear, your time is not up, love. Your journey has only begun to unfold. For many of us, the unfolding may feel longer than others because the wounds may be a bit more deeper, more painful. But, ultimately, you are okay.

Your light in the world is important. And as it gets brighter and more stable, that of others will come to meet you.


Are you ready to heal and come into alignment with yourSelf? To learn more about how I can support you, click here. I would honored to hold that space for you.

 

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1 Comment

  • Reply Mary Lynn Futers May 23, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    this is beautiful. thank YOU! xxoo

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